When my kiddos were toddlers, I struggled to find my parent friends. My husband was doing residency and fellowship and I did not connect with the other moms. They were either stay at home moms (no shame there) or fellow physicians who worked 80 hr work weeks and had nannies (also no shame). I wanted to work but also be the primary parent to my babies. I was in graduate school for 8 years, so tossing that aside for babies was not in the cards. I wrote a job description and pitched it to the local school districts, and one was interested. I did consulting with them for 8 years. It was the best work set up for me, and I will always be grateful. I set clear boundaries about after school meetings so I could pick my kiddos up before the after care hours of preschool started.

During that time, I found my people in a Yahoo Group called Motherswork. I never met any of those moms IRL, but they were like me in that they needed to work but also wanted to be a good mom. I am still friends with most of them (not on the Yahoo group….those went away after Facebook). Most of our kiddos are adults now. But I am proud that we found a space to connect as moms and support one another over the years.

Fast forward around 20 years for some big life changes…. those toddlers fledging the nest AND moving to a new place. All at the same time. I am struggling to find my people in our new town. It is so different from where I lived for almost 30 years, but that aside, making friends in your 50s is HARD. Add in the fact that I am an introvert who trusts very few people, and things get more complicated. Maybe there is a Motherswork group for empty nest moms?

I am not sure what the right answer is. I want the connection but do not want to keep putting myself out there and not finding the people for me. It feels like too much work. There has to be a Liz/Rob/Brenda/Mel/Jocelyn in Charleston. There just has to be.

For now, I am leaning on my tiny tribe of friends of over 20 years and remembering those Motherswork friends who made me think I could be a good mom when I could not connect with ones IRL.

• lifeinmiddleage