This is a phase of parenting that I feel like people do not talk about a lot. Our kiddos still need us and our guidance, but with them being adults it makes this relationship tricky. Like a lot of parents, I have two very different children. One is super independent and the other wants more of my guidance and support. These dynamics have impacted my relationship with both of them.
What I struggle with is when and how much advice to give. The delivery is super important in terms of how well it is received, and the ol “I told ya so” approach doesn’t land very well with adult children… shockingly. I try to find the balance of helping guide them in the right direction, while also letting them find their own way, even if that means watching them make some missteps along the way.
Here are some strategies I have implemented to help me stay connected in a healthy way with my adult children:
–> Stay connected weekly, even if that is just via text/shared memes/Connections or Wordle scores.
–> Establish rules about your availability to them. My kiddos would call/text and expect me to drop whatever I was doing to answer whatever question they needed answered in that moment. I think it is important for them to see that I still have a life after being a full time mom to them the last 18-20 years. I will always be there for them, but I should not be expected to put my new life on hold at the drop of a hat.
–> Let them sit with their frustrations. This one is hard for me because I am a “fixer” and do not want my kiddos to experience bad things. But some of the best life lessons come from not meeting a goal or getting what you want.
–> Continue being their biggest cheerleader and celebrate their successes. This will never change no matter their age.