We foster failed with our sweet Duchess but not in the way most people experience foster fails. Hindsight helps me see where we potentially went wrong, but our intentions were ALWAYS in everyone’s best interest.

I boarded our pups so that when Duchess came to our house she could check things out and get settled while the house was quiet. But what that ended up looking like was her having my total attention that day and night and into the next morning before meeting our pups.

Her previous foster shared there were no issues with their pups and we did intros exactly as instructed, but it became very clear early on that Duchess wanted me to be “her person.” We separated and reintroduced thanks to the support of my amazing husband, but this sweet girl wouldn’t let our pups get anywhere near me. That culminated one night when Bailey walked by me and Duchess came for her. Thankfully, we still had leashes on everyone, so I jerked the leash to keep her from getting to my Bailey. But in the process, my finger got tangled in the leash. Not broken, as initially suspected but a bad sprain. But this changed things.

The only way Duchess could stay with us was by being in our detached garage (which is not heated) and the option of reintroducing became too hard with me only having one hand to manage 3 big dogs. So I waved the white flag of defeat and the rescue moved her to a new foster home.

I felt like such a failure. Failing Duchess, the rescue, and my pups. But I have been reflecting on the good things that happened from her time with us. When she came to us, she was super anxious. Her body trembled and she anxious barked if you were not touching her. I dipped into Bailey’s stash of Trazadone to see if it helped, and boy did it help. Not all dogs respond that well to anxiety meds, but Duchess did. You could feel her body relax with the meds. Also, she came to us because she was having accidents at her former foster’s house. But they also worked out of the home for 8 hrs a day. Our goal was to figure out if the accidents were something medically related or just the need for someone to be home with her to let her out more. We did succeed with this goal. Duchess alerted to go out to potty like a champ, but she did like to go out more than once every 8 hrs. My guess is she was the queen of her former owner’s world and someone who was with her most of the time so she never learned to hold it for a full 8 hrs.

A good friend from the rescue said we were a step in the right direction in finding Duchess’ forever family, and that was important. That made me feel a little bit better. And after more reflection, maybe my role in foster support and writing projects is the better way for me to contribute to the world of animal rescue. We all have our strengths.

For now, I am grateful Duchess landed in a place where she can be her best self and find her new forever person that she truly deserves.

• lifeinmiddleage