The last few months have not been kind to our family. Our family dog Smooch died unexpectedly while we were on spring break in California. And I loved that damn dog more than anything. Even her giant tongue that did not fit into her mouth. She was instead of another kiddo, so I am sure that is all I need to say to fellow middle age moms. She was my last baby.
May is always hard. There is Mother’s Day, which has always been complicated by my relationship with my own mother. It took me years to come to terms with the fact that you cannot change another adult’s behavior. You cannot make her get help for untreated mental illness. You cannot make her happy. The year before she died we were not talking. Her last words to me were “if you call Adult Protective Services, I will never speak to you again.” She kept her promise. One year later, the week after Mother’s Day, I said goodbye to her before the ventilator making her breathe was removed. I literally watched her die. I will never forget that day, all the beeps and sounds. Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of her death. I keep waiting for it to get easier, but it doesn’t.
Then there is just plain ol’ May and what that is like for us moms. This article, To The Middle Season Mama in May, is spot on. It really helped me see that even under the best circumstances, May is hard for moms like us. Fist bump, see you on the flip side. Damn straight!
I have had to work hard at not being sad this spring, and there is one thing that I have done that has made all the difference. Exercise. Twice a week with a trainer, one boot camp session, and twice weekly run/walks with my Best Running Friend (BRF). I have literally had to make myself go some days when my legs felt too heavy to take the needed steps to my car, but I did it.
I love Chapel Hill Training. My trainer Cody works me hard for 30 mins twice a week and then another hour at Boot Camp on Saturdays. Cody affectionately refers to me by my first and last name if I am not working hard enough, and yesterday he even made me redo a Turkish Get Up because I was half assing it. Y’all, those are a beast! Cody is not all mean, though. He also celebrates success, like band assisted pull ups.
My BRF and I have been running, racing, walking since my oldest was in Kindergarten. These days our runs/walks are more therapy than cardio, but just as important as Turkish Get Ups.
I am super protective of my work out times and try not to cancel except only when absolutely necessary. I can literally feel my mood lift when I sweat. I think it has to do with endorphins, or something like that. I don’t care what it is, I just know I need to keep doing it.
And it is May 15th. I made through Mother’s Day and the dreaded anniversary. And guess what? I spent 30 minutes weeding in the garden this morning while on a conference call.
Soon it will be June. Fist bump, see you on the flip side.